Dear Scott,

So I have an interesting ‘problem’ if you will.  This might be a weird thing to ask an advice column but here goes.  I have noticed that when I’m talking to people and compliments are given, they usually hinder on looks or beauty.  There’s nothing inherently wrong about this, who doesn’t like being told their hair looks nice?  I just find it strange how that’s what we focus on.  I’ve been trying to find things to say that don’t mention body parts of looks but I’m a little stuck.  Do you have any suggestions?

Compliments of a Stranger

Dear Compliments,

First off, I want to say it is lovely that you are trying to find other things to say when complimenting others that don’t focus on beauty or physical attractiveness.  Those compliments, while nice at times, tend to be shallow and used to fill up space left between small talk.

If you’re looking to give somebody a genuine compliment, there is a gamut of options for you, but perhaps the first thing you should tackle is the way you think about compliments — which is something you’re already doing. By purposely drawing your attention to other aspects of people (such as their artistic talent, or the way animals are calm around them, or how they just seem to get anybody to light up when talking to them) when you wish to say something nice to them, you are readily shifting your complimentary focus from physical aspects to other areas.

Below, I’ve included a list of about 30+ compliments you can give almost anybody, regardless of ethnicity, class, gender, etc.

And you know what?  You’re already a lovely and kind human for looking at a list like this:

1. You’re the first person I’d look for after an apocalyptic event
2. You’re the hero Gotham needs
3. You look like somebody who people look forward to being around
4. I bet your pets like having you as their human
5. Even the clouds look happy that you exist
6. You’re better than a perfectly ripe avocado
7. People probably talk about how nice you are behind your back
8. 80% of motorcycle gangs say you’d make for a delightful sidecar
9. You are an exceptional human who deserves to be happy. Remember that
10. Live today like you’re Beyonce, because you’re worth it
11. You are the human equivalent of a warm pair of socks on a winter’s night
12. You are all the pretty colors
13. You make people feel good about themselves
14. You’re really going to make a difference in the world someday
15. You make people feel important
16. You inspire me
17. Even my cat would like you
18. Your happiness is contagious
19. You’re always so much fun to be around
20. Our conversations make my day better
21. Your presence is appreciated
22. You’re empowering
23. You’re strong
24. I’m so happy you exist
25. You have a beautiful soul
26. You matter a lot to me
27. Your ideas matter
28. You’re so fun to talk to
29. I bet you’re good at chess
30. I hope we know each other for a long time
31. I’m happy I am alive to meet you;
32. You have great taste in ______
33. You are somebody who people enjoy
34. You matter