Ask Scott: Size Matters, Right?


Dear Scott,
I’m insecure about my penis size…
I won’t go into technical details, but let’s just say I’m smaller than average. 
When I have been lucky enough to ‘knock boots’ I can’t tell if my partner is satisfied or not. Everyone has reassured me that it’s not an issue, but I have an uncomfortable feeling that they’re just saying it to make me feel better. 
It’s been bothering me enough that I get more and more nervous with my partners.
Any advice? Unless you know of a miracle pill that could “enhance” my situation, I think I’m screwed (or not, lol).
Please Don’t Tell Me It’s Not The Size It’s How You Use It


Dear Please Don’t,

There is a lot to unpack in less than 130 words, but let’s get to it. Addressing your first point–your insecurity about your penis size.  I’m willing to bet (although I am quite often wrong) that you consume or are at least aware of pornography.  There’s an alarming trend of men expressing that they feel their penis size is inadequate and porn exacerbates this problem.  Looking at the many unscientific surveys conducted by the likes of Cosmopolitan, it seems that size more or less doesn’t matter.  And I can tell you personally, penis-owner to penis-owner: Size. Does. Not. Matter.

Next part!  Smaller than average?  How do you know?  Looking at the various studies surrounding this topic, it seems the average penis length in North America is around 5.1 inches erect and 3.5 flaccid.  So if you’re anywhere near any of those figures, you’re fine.

Sometimes we have a really awful habit of negative self-talk: “I’m too small;” “She’s only saying I’m fine because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings;” “I suck at this;” it goes on and on.

That sort of behavior needs to stop.  It’s harmful to our general well-being. But not only that, it’s inherently disrespectful and egotistical to assume your partner is telling you something just to make you feel better.

Get over yourself, my dude.  Sure, partners lie to each other about their skill in bed, but it’s not nearly as common as you tell yourself it is.  On a side note, how much distrust do you have for your partner? Why would you stick your penis in and around them but not believe them when they say that your size was not an issue?

And look, I realize it probably sounds like I’m coming after you for asking about something you’re insecure about, but don’t fret; I’m on your side.  What I’m aiming to do is to beat the idea out of you that your penis size has any relevance to how you make your partners feel in bed.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret: good, and I mean actually good sex, has absolutely nothing to do with the size of one’s genitals.  Good sex comes from communication; good sex comes from understanding; good sex comes from effort.  Sex is oral and sensual and involves many parts of the body as those engaging in it are comfortable with.  It involves kissing and laughing and smells and all kinds of absolutely delightful sensations.

You need to be open and honest with yourself.  Practice telling yourself:  “I am not the biggest, but this is okay.  I do not have to be.  My size is not an extension of my sexual ability.  I can satisfy my partner without my penis but I can also satisfy them with it.”  Then you should have an open and honest conversation with any potential sex partner.  Talk to them about how important size is to them; if size actually matters to them, you can then openly discuss ways to address this so everyone is feeling satisfied and confident during sex.

Good partners talk to each other about these things.

And trust me, there are lots of ways to make a partner climax without ever involving the phallic member, small or not.

Stuck somewhere in life?  Wondering if your partners are lying to you about your sexual ability?  Stressing about home life?  Need advice on literally anything?  Send your inquiries and questions to Scott! Just fill out the form below with your name*, email, and your question and hit submit!
*Real names will be changed for privacy.

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