Dear Adulting,

The decision to have an abortion is wrought with fear, guilt, pain and misinformation.  For any young person grappling with this situation, we often find ourselves wanting the support (whether emotional or otherwise) of those we look up to in our lives.  Oftentimes this is our parents.  The decision to abort is entirely yours to make, as is the decision to tell your mother.

How sure are you that your decision will hurt her?  If she has provided an environment where certain choices you make are not accepted and met with resistance, then perhaps withholding the information is within your best interest.  If she has fostered an environment where you feel you can be open about these very personal and sensitive topics, then confiding in your mother might be a wise choice.

You say that being honest would break your mother’s heart, so it seems that you already have a general idea of what the outcome would look like if you told her.  In general, the period immediately following an abortion is fraught with all kinds of stressors — both internal and external; perhaps avoiding adding any additional stress (i.e. your mother’s reaction) would be the healthiest choice for you.  You can always tell her later when you feel you both are able to respond appropriately.