Dear Scott,

I’m about to go on my first date with a woman after almost a year of avoiding dating.  I’m incredibly nervous.  I’m worried she’ll be disinterested and this will be our first and last date.  Any advice?  From Nervous Ned in Need

Dear Nervous Ned,

First dates can be so incredibly stressful and nerve-wracking and one slip-up could end in potential “disaster.”  But I’ve got good news for you.  You’ve already had your date request accepted, so obviously she’s interested!  Personally, I’m of the camp that one should be themselves on a first date.  I definitely would avoid putting on any false fronts or faces -being genuine in your actions and words results in much more genuine interactions.  

If your main worry is about keeping her interest, I would recommend going on a date that allows both of you to express a bit of the fire that lights you up on the inside.  What I mean is that perhaps asking her before the date about the kinds of things she’s interested in might help you to create a date that will not only leave a lasting impression on her, but will also help her see what a thoughtful and bright person you can be.  

I understand you probably would like to continue going on dates with this woman in the future.  I suggest that you allow a bit of your true self to shine through in the date.  That doesn’t mean going over-the-top or exaggerating your good parts, but perhaps going to a place (such as a museum or a concert) that shows her what kind of a person you are.  More importantly, have fun!

Keeping the date fluid, or able to adapt and change as the date goes on, would also probably help to form a positive lasting impression of you on her.

Just remember that she could also be potentially nervous about this date, and maybe revealing, and perhaps laughing at, your pre-date nerves could help set the atmosphere as light and humorous, and could help reduce the anxiety for the both of you.

Dear Scott,

I’ve been invited to a former flame’s wedding.  Little does she know, the flame never stopped burning for me.  We ended our fling after a year of infrequent hook-ups.  During that year, I somehow caught strong feelings for her, but she had decided she was done with our hook-ups.  We remained friends and she ended up marrying this other guy.  I want to go to the wedding and support her but I cannot help but feel jealous and spurned by her.  This invite feels like a low blow.  What do I do?  From Burned in Brighton

Dear Burned,

Was this invite a personal one?  Did she make it clear that it was important to her that you specifically attend?  Are you two close enough to warrant offense if you did not show up?  Perhaps attending this wedding may cause you more emotional harm than good.  It seems unlikely, however, that your ex-lover intended to wound you with this invite; rather, she wanted to be surrounded by people she cared about on such an important day for her.  She may not even realize the emotional turmoil she’s caused you!

If she personally wants you there, then maybe you’ll have to save face and go.  If you’re not so close to her, or it hasn’t been made clear how strongly she wants you to attend, you could probably not go without facing too many consequences for it.

It can be difficult dealing with feelings of jealousy or resentment, especially in the face of such an emotionally-charged event.  You may have to check your ability to handle such a thing, should you consider going.

Ultimately, if you’re too uncomfortable with the idea of watching someone you have strong feelings for marry someone else, I would advise not going.  But if you feel capable of a toughing out an ex-flames’s wedding, then go and support her on her wedding day.  Make the best decision for you, though.