Editors Note: This piece was first published on Oct. 12, 1972 in Who Knows, Arapahoe Community College’s Student Newspaper at the time. 

Dear Zelda:

I’m madly and passionately in love with this unbelievably darlin gboy in my chemistry class! He pays constant attention to me; so I get the feeling he feels the same way about me. Why yesterday, he actually said “excuse me” when he dropped all his books on my foot! And to make his feelings for me even more evident; he melted my soul by saying “I’m really sorry”, when he dropped an iodine solution on my pants. But the clincer, was when he asked to borrow my chemistry homework! What a privilege to be asked by him to share a part of me. So I know he really digs me, but he’s never asked me out. Maybe he feels I’m too good for him?

Signed,
Lost

Dear Lost:

Why don’t you drop a lamp post on his head? Maybe then he’ll see the light and ask you out.

Dear Zelda:

My problem is one of a questionable nature. Everytime I get a decent girlfriend, she drops me. By decent, I mean, a highly intelligent, mature, hard-working, healthy-looking girl. When I do find one with those unique qualities, I try to do everything in my power for her. I escort her to Art museums, natural history museums, architectural ruins, special novelist lectures – all these magnificent and mind-enriching places. But do you think they appreciate my sincere generosity? No! Maybe a couple of dates and then they split. Am I looking for the wrong type of girl?

Signed,

Dissolutioned

Dear Dissolutioned:

Have you ever thought of the fact that your approach might be a little off? I mean, historical museums and architectural spots might do for a granny, but as for a date — Why not take her sightseeing to see a national park? They’re quite an attraction at night.

If any of you bedraggled unfortunate shouls wish to share your problems with Zelda, feel free to drop your letters in the “Dear Zelda” box located in the student center. She will re-vitalize you.