Dear Scott,

Amidst the tremendous worry that is accompanying every action our newly-elected leader is making, I am also worrying about things that are hitting a little close to home: our tolerance towards each other.  With the recently announced Muslim-targeted travel ban, coupled with the dramatic increase in anti-Muslim and anti-Semitic rhetoric and hate crimes from our own neighbors, I am troubled.  I am scared for my LGBTQIA+* neighbors, my Native neighbors, and my neighbors who are people of color.  I am terrified for my Muslim neighbors, my Sikh neighbors, for my neighbors whose only crime is being brown-skinned around the wrong people.  I am saddened by the erosion of tolerance we are facing.  I am not a ‘targeted group’ and consider myself an ally to all those in need.  What can I do?

-Too Terrified to Tolerate

Dear Too Terrified,

You aren’t alone in your fears.  In fact I would wager you are in the majority.  You are not alone to bear witness to the frothing intolerance being lobbed at our non-White, non-hetero, and non-Christian brothers and sisters.  I have also been questioning what I can do in the face of all that has happened, particularly what we can do as allies for anyone targeted by bigotry.  This is what I’ve come up with:

-Activate yourself.  Protest, call, and challenge.  Fight every action that is aimed against groups who so desperately need to be defended.  Get as involved in your political system as you can.  Call your senators every day when a threatening bill is introduced.  Get out and protest at every opportunity.

-At protests, show up and shut up.  As an ally, it is vitally important that you make yourself known, to add your body to the count of those who stand up against injustice.  Act as a silent shield.  The voices of the marginalized need to be heard, and the bodies of the allies need to be seen.

-Make yourself known as an ally.  There have been some voiced concerns from minority communities about not knowing who stands with them or against them.  It is up to allies to be beacons within the community, so that the light of tolerance can be seen by those left in the dark by the current storm cloud of bigotry hovering over the nation.

-Listen.  Although all of the above actions are incredibly important, perhaps the most important is that we listen.  Those who we ally with have voices and concerns that are legitimate; we must make sure we’re listening.  It would be destructively hypocritical to yell and shout about how marginalized voices aren’t listened to, then ignore the very voices we are advocating for.

Ultimately, we all have to fight.  We have years of intense, draining, and difficult fighting ahead of us, but we must give as much as we can at every given opportunity. Unfortunately, in the “land of opportunity,” opportunity for those who need it is rapidly running out.

*LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, queer, intersex, asexual, and other orientations.

Dear Scott,

I have been reading your column since last semester and I enjoy what you have to say.  So I have a question for you: how would you recommend I go about discussing sex with my 13-year-old son?  I’ve recently found a pornographic magazine underneath his mattress and was struck with the sudden realization that I have yet to have “the talk” with him.  What would you recommend?

-Not Sex in the City

Dear Not Sex in the City,

Well, for starters, make sure he completely understands that what he views in porn is not even remotely reflective of what sex, bodies, or relationships are actually like in real life.  Studies have shown that when it comes to sexual education, a majority of it begins with parents and you now have a wonderfully daunting task ahead of you.  How you go about having the “talk” is ultimately up to you, but there are some important points that should be emphasized.

For starters, establishing that you are a safe and open source to communicate with is paramount.  Making sure that your son feels comfortable and safe enough with you to open up about anything he may be experiencing is probably the best place to start.

I would follow that up with reassuring your child that the only right or wrong choices they can make when it comes to their own sexuality is up to them.  It’s their body, so it’s their rules regarding their body.

Regarding bodies and rules, I would also make it a point to ensuring that your child understands consent completely.  It would help if you fully understood consent as well, as many people are a bit fuzzy on what consent entails exactly.  Consent is constant, explicit, and enthusiastic.  Teach them that no always means no; teach them that they are always allowed to say no and to stop whatever is happening at any time, and to get away from situations and people that prevent it from happening.

Teach them about respect and rules: that everybody has rules and to respect the rules of the bodies they are interacting with, especially their own.

And perhaps most difficult for most parents is the explanation of the genitalia.  Yes, this is recommended because… Guess what?  Your child knows they have genitalia, but do they know how to keep the respective genitalia healthy?  If they are not learning this information from you, then there is a good chance they are learning it from peers or personal experience, which aren’t always the best sources of correct information.  Obviously keep it age-appropriate, but also use proper terminology.  Having accurate information is vital.

It would also be incredibly helpful to be open and receptive to any and all questions your child may ask.  I encourage you to encourage your child to ask any questions they can.  This establishes much needed trust and accountability for setting the stage for future discussions.