The other day I was sitting on those uncomfortable iron benches outside of ACC, waiting for the 66.  I ask the dudes already there whether I missed the bus.  The one guy was from Ivory Coast, and didn’t speak a lick of English; only French. I’ve been to Ivory Coast, it’s one of those beautiful and stable African countries.  As we were chatting, his eyes followed every girl that walked by.  That was alright, but then he began with the psst, psst, and whistling after them.  I was like, hell no!  Dude, you can’t be doing that here.  That’s not the way to holler at the ladies here.  He tried to explain that back home and even in Europe, that has been his thing. I asked him whether he’d been successful with it here.  No, was his answer, and he didn’t understand why.  I tried to break it down for him.

So, I was thinking, how can we inform guys like him, who are new to the country, about how to talk to/ approach women in America?

Or perhaps another spin that is more familiar: given that technology has maybe eroded a little bit of our social skills, how can guys holler at the ladies more effectively today? -From Not-So-Foreign Relations

Dear Not-So-Foreign,

One of my first questions to him would have been about the success rate in his home country and the various other countries he’s visited.  I’m unfortunately not very wise in the flirting sub-cultures of other countries, but I cannot imagine that it was very high.  Perhaps it was though; cultural expectations of flirting behavior vary across the world.

One of the key aspects to flirting and approaching your preferred gender is respect.  Respectful of boundaries, having a respectful demeanor, using respectful language, compliments and gestures, etc.

Also, a relatively successful approach to asking someone out is to simply approach them and begin talking to them.  Research suggests that men and women share relatively similar reception of being asked out on a date.  The key, it seems, is actually striking up a conversation with them and subsequently asking them out, say, for coffee or lunch or drinks.  Remember, one of the keys here is to remain respectful.

If respect is difficult to comprehend or practice, perhaps they should not be dating or “hollering” at the ladies.

 

Dear Scott,

My work is asking me to put my education on the line for them. They’re asking me to work full time hours, but I have school and volunteering. I specifically said I couldn’t work more than 20 hours a week and that I couldn’t work on certain days of the week due to school. However, they aren’t respecting my time or school. They have me working full time and on school days. They threatened to fire me if I missed a shift to go to school, even though they’ve been fully aware this entire time that I cannot work on school days. They are not respecting my time or my efforts. What’s more important, my job or my education? -Overworked and Disrespected

Dear Overworked,

The obvious answer to your question is that your education is overwhelmingly more important.  But your textbooks and lectures won’t feed you or pay your bills.

So my advice to you would be to start considering other job options.  One of my favorite programs in existence right now is something called Work-Study.  Work-Study is a federal program that provides part-time jobs for undergraduate and graduate students with financial need.  They encourage service work and work that relates to your studies.  It is honestly one of the biggest boons for students available out there besides FAFSA.

If your job is unable to support you in your education, turn towards your education to support you with your job!  A new job, that is.  One that respects your time and individual value as a student and member of the workforce.

If you don’t know where to even start with work-study or are having problems, contact your student adviser.  Email them and set up an appointment to discuss your options.  They are a huge resource of information.