Many people on social media are already greatly familiar with the concept of the selfie stick.  It is essentially a cheap monopod for your phone which allows you to take photos of yourself from a perspective that makes it look like someone else is taking the photos.  This is great for people without friends, or people with friends but they want everyone in the photo.

Over the course of the last few months I’ve become well acquainted with the use of the selfie stick.  What I noticed was how one fundamental aspect of the monopod is routinely overlooked by most owners, and by those who make fun of them.

While running around in Burma with the Karen National Defense Organization (KNDO), there were places I wasn’t exactly able to go, such as the Mae La Refugee Camp; however, I was able to stick my selfie stick far enough up to capture a nice photograph of it.

Another nice aspect of owning one of these sticks is that not only does it provide a method of taking photos from angles that would require arms like an Orangutan, it also provides a nice method for leisurely reading your favorite articles — or porn — you know, whatever, I’m not your mom, I don’t care what you do.

What I haven’t discussed yet is that it is also fun to pretend you have friends and take terrible photos of yourself.  Fantastic! (I’ve been told I get to use the exclamation point exactly once in my career, but I’m going to take a chance and use it once more in this article. Blasphemous!)

So, getting back to the business card, I feel this is a great way to boost my reputation among strangers.  When I hand someone a card that lists my skill set beginning with “Selfie Stick,” they are sure to take me seriously and beg to see me show it off.  A cult will be made in my name.  In all ways it will be worth it.

Modern tech is forwarding at much more rapid pace than ever in human history.  This constant advancement requires trained professionals to be the gurus for others to follow.  The former leader of the Free World mastered the art of the “Selfie Stick,” and look at his ratings versus the current POTUS, who relies on the language destroying Twitter app for all his super important messages.

Clearly the monopod talent is crucial to societal development.  Everyone I meet will see the power within me and bow before the mighty monopod.