The Stationary Death of Nico Danks

Nico died as she lived; clumsily with more or less good intentions. No one was surprised when the charted cause of death was “accident by falling off a stationary bike”. As a zealous recycler, she requested that her body be composted in the ACC south garden. If one wishes, they can use her skull as a paper weight, or better yet, an ashtray. A former smoker, Nico dearly missed her American Spirits but quit in her late twenties to hopefully live a better quality of life. If Nico knew that she was going to die so young, she would’ve partaken in a lot more irresponsible activities. Oh well. She is survived by her three anemic houseplants Bill, George, and Sharon.

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