It seems that people, in general, are a bit nervous when it comes to the topic of sex.  More-so even, when one brings up sex shops.  This seems strange to me because an overwhelming majority of the U.S. population engages in some form of sexual activity (masturbation, sexting, roleplaying, intercourse, etc.).  Despite a growing community of sex positive educators and citizens, a negative stigma still surrounds sex and all that it encompasses.  In light of that, this article aims to help deconstruct some of the stigma surrounding sex -more specifically sex shops.

 As I personally work at a sex shop (not the one pictured above), and have been for several years, I confront the stigma behind sex shops and sex in general almost daily.  Wanting to explore your own sexuality and interests is not a bad or wrong thing to do, in fact it’s completely healthy and normal.  Sex shops help to facilitate this exploration.  

I realize there are many questions and concerns that the average person might have about sex shops.  So I got together with my fellow sex shop workers, Carl, Charlie and Devin of Santa Fe Books, and compiled a list of 15 tips to encourage and help you to explore and understand your local sex shop.  When it comes to approaching a store for the first time, what should you keep in mind?  Well, for starters. . .

• The vibe:  No, I am not talking about vibrators (yet).  I am talking about how comfortable you feel in the store.  If you are uncomfortable with the area or the cleanliness of the store, it is completely okay to leave.

• Breathe:  Just like any other retail store, the cashier/clerk is more than likely not going to judge you for your purchase, let alone judge you walking into the store.  So breathe, it’s okay.  You’re here for a reason and it’s a good one.

• Try to have at least some idea of what you may want:  One tip suggested by Carl, an employee of Santa Fe Books who frequently interacts with customers, is that you should probably have some kind of idea about what you want.  A quick online search can usually yield all the results needed to get an idea of what might be out there.  There are a plethora of products available and sometimes this can be overwhelming.  Do not fret, you’re here to learn!

After walking in the door. . .

• Check out the clerk:  Carl personally recommends that you pay attention to the attitude of the cashier.  Are they courteous?  Do they seem to know what they are talking about?  Are they actually engaging?  Obviously, as a shopper, you would want someone who knows their products and can help you find whatever it is you need, while not shaming you or making you feel uncomfortable.  An overbearing or aggressive clerk can be intimidating and that is not useful in this situation.  You’re here to learn what you like, not just to be sold product to.

• Take the store in:  Take everything in.  Take your time to look over all the different toys available, all of the different colors, sizes, shapes, functions.  Look at all of the different types of toys, from the bondage gear, to the anal toys, to the strap-ons.  Give the penis pumps a good gander.  Familiarize yourself with what is offered.  The more you are aware of, the better!  This directly leads to my next tip. . .

• Ask questions:  Ask all of the questions!  Not only does this give you a chance to learn about something that you might enjoy, it gives a (good) employee a chance to show off their knowledge about their products.  Some questions may be a bit harder to ask than others.  This is understandable, but try to ask if you can.

• Keeping an open mind:  Devin, Charlie, Carl and I, wholeheartedly agree that keeping an open mind as you look at everything is very important.  There are going to be things that may go over your head, and that’s okay.  This is where asking questions comes in handy.  Some products may be intimidating or confusing or just plain frightening.  Some things might not be for you, whereas there might be some things perfect for you.  Both of these cases are completely fine.

• Relinquish your embarrassment:  Sometimes we cannot help but be embarrassed when it comes to talking to someone else about our sexual needs and wants.  My fellow workers and I all agree that there is nothing at all to be embarrassed about; you are paying attention to and maintaining your sexual well-being.  We are facilitators for sexual health.

Okay, you’ve talked with the sex shop clerk, and you’ve browsed the sections available.  Now what?  Time for the fun part: picking out a toy.

• When it comes to toys, smell ‘em:  This is actually something I learned very early on in my years of handling sex toys: give the toy a smell before you buy it.  Why?  Well, unfortunately, due to lack of federal regulations in the sex toy industry, sex toy companies are able to essentially put anything they want on their labels.  What this means is that a toy that sells itself as “phthalate-free” (phthalates are a common plasticiser associated with increased breast cancer risk) can very well be saturated in phthalates.  Luckily, they give off a very strong, distinctive, “rubber tire-y” smell.  Plus, many toys with phthalate traces in them “sweat,” or give off a vapor laden with plasticiser.  Avoid toys that give off these signs at all costs.  The biggest toy companies that are guilty of producing phthalate-ridden toys are Doc Johnson, Pipedream and CalExotics.  Male masturbators (also known as pocket pals) typically do not have this problem, as they are made of an imitation-flesh material; but this definitely applies to any prostate or anal toys.  If you are putting it inside you, make sure it is safe and phthalate-free.

• Silicone toys:  One of the safest ways to be assured you are buying a body-safe toy is to make sure it is made out of silicone.  Typically, silicone material toys are made from a 100%-body-safe medical-grade silicone.  These toys are typically more expensive than your average “rubber” toy, but are much safer and higher quality;  companies such as Tantus, Inc. and NS Novelties create and sell high-quality silicone vibrating and non-vibrating dildos and vibrating bullets at reasonable prices.  Keep an eye out for those!

• Lube:  There are two types of sexual lubricant out there: water-based lubricant, and silicone-based lubricant.  There are major differences in the types, such as slickness, viscosity, odor, flavor, use, price, etc., but water-based is usually recommended in general as it is cheaper and easier to clean up, as it is water-soluble.  Ask your local sex shop clerk about some good brands to go with your toy (such as Wicked or Pjur), and be sure to get plenty!

Okay, so you’ve found a body-safe toy that you want to try and managed to pick out a good lube to start with.  You bring your items up to the counter and start getting rung up.  But wait!  Your toy might vibrate, and that usually means batteries or charging it.  Hopefully your clerk has already addressed this with you about the toy, but if not, bring it up.  Ask them to turn the toy on.  Ask this for a few reasons:

• To make sure the toy actually works:  Nobody wants to buy a broken toy.
• To make sure that this toy is a good fit for you:  Only you can decide if a toy is too strong or too weak for you, too big or too small, or just plain too much.
• To ensure quality and validity:  Should the cashier refuse to open/turn on the toy for you, for whatever reason, walk out.  Usually the store or employee is hiding something (such as that the toy is actually broken and they are aware of it, etc.).  Some stores don’t allow customers to open boxes or touch the toys, and that is fine (my own store does this) but when in the hands of the clerk, they should be able to turn the toy on for you and help you with it.

After they have finished up testing your toy, and rung you up, you’re almost done!  You’ve done fairly well to make it to this point, as many people do not even try.  Your next, and final, tip is:

• Take your haul home and enjoy them.

You deserve it, you sexual dynamo, you!