Have you heard about relationship flags? They usually refer to the behavior of an individual in a relationship. A “red flag” refers to a negative, or potentially abusive, behavior. A “green flag” refers to a positive behavior. A “yellow flag” refers to behavior that may warn of future negative behavior. Though most commonly discussed in reference to romantic relationships, these flags can be a useful way to assess how you’re treating (and being treated by) others in any dynamic.

Calm, a mental health and wellness app, outlines the 10 biggest flags in relationships and how to address them. Some of these behaviors include:

1. Controlling Behavior
   a. This may look like your partner trying to decide who you hang out with, what you do, what you wear, etc.
2. Secretive Behavior
   a. Your partner trying to keep things from you may be a cause for concern.
3. Substance Use and Abuse
   a. Though substance use doesn’t inherently mean someone has red flags, drugs and alcohol can negatively impact a person’s behavior so it is important to be cognizant of it.
4. Jealousy
   a. Everyone gets jealous – it’s human nature. However, extreme jealousy can become obsessive and even lead to violence.

To address these behaviors, Calm suggests trusting your intuition, communicating with safe loved ones outside of the relationship, and seeking immediate assistance if needed. This may look like the following scenarios:

1. If something happens in your relationship that you’re on the fence with how you feel about it (sometimes referred to as a “yellow flag”), check with trusted adults -friends, family, therapists, etc. See what people you care about think about the situation. If you’re embarrassed to share what happened with your loved ones, that may be a sign that what happened was not okay.
2. If something happens in a relationship that you’re extremely uncomfortable with (such as cheating, crossing boundaries, repeatedly pushing topics that you have established that you are uncomfortable with, etc.), trust your gut. Red flags often get “redder” over time – it’s easier to get out sooner than later.
3. If something happens that threatens your safety – such as, your partner gets mad and punches a wall, harms an animal, or harms you or your partner threatens to hurt you – it’s time to get immediate assistance. You can access support from the National Domestic Violence Hotline here. You can also find domestic violence shelters in Colorado here.

Remember, all relationships have highs and lows – however, lows do not include abuse, harassment, or assault. You know yourself and your boundaries better than anyone else, but connecting with people who care about you for an outside perspective of your situation can help. There are many resources in Colorado to help you assess how to address red flags, including seeking immediate assistance if needed.